DON'T BOOK JETSTAR

DON’T BOOK JETSTAR

Don’t book a ticket on Jetstar I warn
Avoid their poor service and awful scorn
I’m not alone, there are thousands more who
Suffered the same and can vouch that it’s true

Don’t be misguided, it’s not a good deal
You pay for each seat, checked bag, and meal
They might lure you in with their flights so cheap
Costs unexpected will set you back steep

Arrive at the counter, join the long queue
Sometimes there is only staff one or two
Line up at check in with staff working slow
Passengers tired and waiting to go

The bag weight inspector follows you ‘round
Absurd expectations to count every pound
What can you take within seven KGs?
A couple of jocks, and socks, and some tees

Keeping to weight limits, oh what a stress!
Unreasonable prices charged for excess
The scales are not normal, Jetstar’s not fair
The burden is high for flyers to bear

When rumours come sudden of a delay
Jetstar employees have nothing to say
Try to ask questions ‘cause have to be sure,
Elusive they are and tell nothing more

Common occurrence to cancel a flight
Lacking announcements to tell you your plight
Avoiding your queries, pretend they don’t know
What you should do and where you should go

The Jetstar hotline don’t bother to call
A waste of your time, not useful at all
Automated options, limited choice
Hang on for ages and still get no voice

Don’t think you’re lucky when you get aboard
Surprises await you oh rest assured!
When boarding your flight what rubbish you’ll see
Jetstar cleans aircraft just one flight in three

Look under the seat and you’ll find some dirt
A tissue, lolly, or piece of dessert
Stains on your seat and some crumbs on your tray
A standard of hygiene the Jetstar way

No sense in calling attendants to clean
That’s the first hint that their attitude’s mean
They’ll tell you sternly “It’s not what we do”
Dare you expect them to work like a crew

Don’t book a ticket on Jetstar I warn
Avoid their poor service and dreadful scorn
I’m not alone, there are thousands more who
Suffered the same and can vouch that it’s true

Usher you through without cheer down the aisle
Demonstrate safety with no will or style
Staff even chit chat in front of your face
Gossiping loudly within their work space

So many things this airline eschewed
Seat nets on some craft completely removed
No place to put things within easy grips
A cap or a book or packet of chips

Can’t put your iPad or bottle not more
Forced now to place with the crumbs on the floor
No longer provide a sick bag to use
Nothing to browse through, no papers for news

Even when forking out more for a tea
They rush you to clear it away quickly
It’s oft that the crew annoyingly shout
“Raise up your seat back!” and “Pull rubbish out!”

Surely they know more of courtesy talk?
A “please” or a “thank you” or smile as they walk
No sense of pride in their grooming or dress
Clueless in how to politely address

Don’t even think about using the loo
The line-up is long ‘coz they removed two
And replaced with more seats, profit it’s for
The toilets are less but passengers more

Your comfort and safety is placed at stake
By adding more seats for profit to make
The Dreamliner built for two forty two
Has ninety-three extra added in new

Wondering now why the leg room’s reduced?
Redesigned inside, all Jetstar induced
From two forty two to three thirty five
Space they were willing to rob and deprive

It’s not just manners the Jetstar team lack
Overall attitude terribly slack
Staff have no gusto, no heart in their work
Call for attention and watch how they shirk

Domestic departure, never seen worse
For each little extra, empty your purse
Want water? Pay up! Want coffee? Pay more!
Have to pay even though service is poor

No screens provided on backs of the seats
No entertainment, no movies, no beats
Nothing to do for the kids to amuse
Jetstar domestic’s the worst you could choose

Don’t book a ticket on Jetstar I warn
Avoid their poor service and awful scorn
I’m not alone, there are thousands more who
Suffered the same and can vouch that it’s true

Attendants not nice, though not always rude
But constantly seem they’re in a bad mood
Lacklustre service of meals with no taste
Though payment is snapped up somewhat in haste

Shouting at travellers, “Want coffee or tea?”
Sloppy and rough as they push the trolley
When you don’t hear them they shout out some more
Quite unrefined with their etiquette poor

And Jetstar attendants don’t groom too well
Touch up their hair roots or style with good gel
Rips in their stockings, no pride in their dress
Their teeth not brushed nicely doesn’t impress

When boarding there’s no sense of welcome, then
No wave or greeting as people descend
As you depart, they just stare at the floor
Couldn’t care less if you don’t come no more

It’s not really worth the effort or pain,
To travel aboard this low service plane
There’s no friendly smile and no pleasant greet
Squashed between passengers squished in a seat

Don’t even think if you go overseas
That you can fly Jetstar somehow with ease
The comfort’s no better, the food is worse
An affliction for travellers, somewhat a curse

Jetstar denies snacks to kids from Japan
Who try to buy something with cash in their hand
They come in their thousands, kids on school trip
But “Credit card only” staff sternly quip

Is Jetstar for real? Kids won’t have a card!
Jetstar just makes these kids’ journey quite hard
This is indeed what they never forget
Horrid journey on a terrible jet

Notice the seat angle stiffly upright?
Unnatural pitch that your neck muscles fight
They boast of their leather new comfy seat
But fail to advise how they manage to cheat

The new leather seats replaced other ones
So they can fit two in space made for one
Even reclined it’s a strain on your spine
Jetstar’s the airline where nothing is fine

Don’t book a ticket on Jetstar I warn
Avoid their poor service and awful scorn
I’m not alone, there are thousands more who
Suffered the same and can vouch that its true

Yes that’s how they treat you in their new craft
Pull the wool over and think that you’re daft
Just centred on self it seems that they are
That is the story of flying Jetstar

If during the flight someone should appear
With iPads switched on without earphone gear
Disturbing the peace with sound blasting loud
Don’t expect action from the Jetstar crowd

If there are boisterous people perchance
No one from Jetstar will take on a stance
Kids screaming loud from the front or the rear
Or kicking your seat from behind without fear

Even in business class, no guarantee
That you’ll get any more bang for your fee
A seat that is ripped or leg rest won’t fold
A tray that’s not stable or tea that is cold

The purser’s announcement comes as a shock
Boasting of how hard her teammates do work
Work hard? I dispute such farcical claim
It’s we they should thank for bearing the pain

Never seen such lazy bums in my life
If this is called working, Jetstar’s in strife
Yes they keep raking in profit or two
Though can’t sustain it with underwhelmed crew

Not to forget that if choice did beget
People would choose an alternative jet
Anxiously waiting for choice to arise
Long for the day to cut all Jetstar ties

Tokyo to Cairns and Cairns to Kansai
Has no other airlines that currently fly
I won’t rue the day new planes fly this route
That’s when I’ll gladly give Jetstar the boot

Don’t fly with Jetstar if you can avoid
Lacklustre service that few have enjoyed
I’m not alone, there are thousands more who
Suffered its wrath and can vouch that it’s true

THE END